I am facing a personality disorder today.
Getting into the funk of why I can't do things the way I want and how I want them done.
One of those moments where you feel really lost and really stuck you know?
So, anyone that has read my blog before knows, that I lost my full time job. I had money to go out here and there and to buy things I didn't necessarily need.
I went from a 4 digit a month income of my own to now.. 3... big diff... HUGE DIFF actually.
Now,I am living within my means and i'm having a real hard time with the feeling.
I am a fabric addict, a crafting addict, a spontaneous gal that enjoys random trips to the coast and to see family. I can't do either of those now and that hurts..
It hurts my desire to be able to be free spirited and adventurous. It sucks.
Look for a new job you say? well, I have been and its been terribly hard because, I don't want to do what I was doing. I was making decent money but,I have gotten tired of the bit and working for a heartless company.
I have had phone calls from folks wanting to talk about the job I had applied for but really, those jobs wont get me any further than I am right now financially. It sucks. It sucks IT SUCKS IT SUCKS!
I MISS BEING FREE AND CRAZY!
Now.... lets talk bussiness..
You know sometimes you buy things you don't need? things you don't HAVE to have? well, look at it this way. What would happen if you couldn't afford to own those new things? the iPad..the new laptop you put on your credit card? the gas for your new v6 vehicle (AHHH!!) its HARD
you have lost your financial ability to go out and about and feel human.
Being human is like the rest of America. Life is passing you buy BECAUSE NOW you have a 3 digit income and you have a 4 digit bill every month...ACK!I didn't prepare myself well enough for somthing like this to happen. Preperation is key. you are supposed to have at least 3 or 4 the times of monthly bills you have in a savings account for back up. I know people that have done this. Good for you! but, the "average" American has not...and much to my surprise (well not really, I was ready to move on) did not prepare....
Here I am. Working a part time job and scraping by.
I have had a day where I just want to scream at strangers and yell that I hate people for the way things have turned out but you know what? the only person to blame is me,myself,and I... yep...this here chick..I am to blame for my mistakes, me Fups and my fubars!
I am pissed of at ME...I pissed myself off today... and rightfully so.. it took me near 3 months to figure this out...to figure out that I needed to prepare my future better than I have... so, here I am craigslist daily and looking for somthing new.
I am a great persona, a fantastic person.. I have an outgoing personality and a bubbely spirit.. but sometimes I have my moments. I am HUMAN
I would rather stay home and sew today or go see my family. Help them brand the cows but... i'm going to a 5 hour shift ... I am thankful I have that income but, when I was 14 this isn't how my life was supposed to be. Far from it.
.....................Hold yourself accountable............... Make sure you plan.........look at the big picture...........and move on............
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